Nannie, my great-grandmother, passed away at the age of 91 yesterday...I worked both jobs all day even though I knew to expect the call...I cried myself to sleep last night because I kept thinking about how I wish I could have just called her once...I remember when I was living at home with my parents and she would call...She was so lonely and we always tried to push the phone off to someone else because no one wanted to spend 5 minutes on the phone with her...She called me a couple of weeks ago, and I talked to her...I actually talked to her...She told me to visit the next time I was in Louisville, and I told her I would...I guess now I will be able to, it's just that she won't know it...She has been on dialysis for 4 hours twice a week for the past year and a half...I couldn't imagine living like that...When she started hemorrhaging, she told the doctors that she was just so tired of it, and if she had known what her life would be like when she decided to start the dialysis she wouldn't have done it...I haven't seen her since last Thanksgiving, but I remember the intense look on her face when my brother David surprised everyone...I'm trying to keep that image in my mind so that's what I see when I see her on Sunday...I'm glad David visited her before he left for Iraq...I know that the roughest thing is going to be seeing my dad crying...I've only seen him cry 5 times in my life...1) I did something really stupid to make it feel like I didn't love him, 2) my Aunt Denise's funeral, 3) when my mom disappeared when she tried to kill herself, 4) when David left for Iraq the first time, and 5) at my wedding...I've always seen my dad as such a strong, stern man, and I can't stand to see him cry...I know he needs me to be there though...And I will try my hardest to be his rock like he considers me to be...
To make today harder, Justin and I were driving to PetSmart to get crickets for our toad, and we saw 2 deer start to cross the road...One backed off, but the other decided to attempt crossing Nicholasville Road where it is 5 lanes of traffic...She made it to the fifth lane after everyone stopped, but the guy driving in the last lane was on his phone & not paying attention...She tried to jump, and smashed right into the windshield, flew in the air, flipped 3 times, and landed on the side of the road still kicking...It had to be the most God-awful, painful thing I have ever had to witness...That poor thing would still be alive if the idiot driver hadn't been on his cellphone...My blood pressure sore through the roof and I started almost hyper-ventilating and shaking...I know I freaked Justin out, but I just couldn't help it...I did not need to see that today!
